


light of a lonely star

by woahpip



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: 14 year old Jyn, As seen on Tumblr, Character Study, F/M, Force-Sensitive Jyn Erso, Gen, Jyn appreciation week, Late night talks, Making Out, Post-Scarif, Pre-scarif, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, References to Oral Sex, Self-Doubt, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Vignettes, an extra day 3 bc i put the wrong prompt in here!!!, day 1: battle, day 2: fire, day 3: daughter, day 4: prodigal, day 7: crystal, hints at the Partisan years, not catalyst compliant, not rebel rising compliant, ooopsie: chap 6 is rebelcap!, poem, post Jyn and Cassian's fight on Eadu, somewhere between the end of tcw and when Saw leaves Jyn, sparring as a love language, w|w
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woahpip/pseuds/woahpip
Summary: 7 days of Jyn(written for the Jyn Appreciation Squad on tumblr. title is from mansion door/shakey graves.)
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Jyn Erso & Ahsoka Tano, Jyn Erso & Bodhi Rook, Jyn Erso & Saw Gerrera, Jyn Erso/Leia Organa, Saw Gerrera & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	1. worth it's price

**Author's Note:**

> day 1: battle
> 
> 1\. a general encounter between armies, ships of war, or aircraft  
> 2\. an extended contest, struggle, or controversy  
> 3\. a struggle to succeed or survive  
> 4\. a combat between two persons

“You sure you want to do this already? You just got out of the medbay?”

It’s been 6 weeks since they landed from Scarif.

It’s been 1 week since Cassian got out of the bacta tank; the bruises are healed but his back might be hurt forever in some way. Maybe just an occasional ache, but probably consistent seizing and pain. If the doctors are to be believed.

Jyn shouldn’t be the person trying to convince Cassian of that, but she was. No one else seemed to notice what was going on, all focused on the lost plans and the kidnapped princess. Draven all but wrote Cassian off, deciding he might can help train spies, if after sufficient review they decide to trust him again.

“Just fucking hit me Jyn.”

That was answer enough, she thought. She shook the thoughts away and threw him an easy dodge, a slow uppercut with her nondominant hand.

She wanted him to build his strength back up; didn’t want to test him too hard.

“I said _fucking hit me_. I know you can do better than that.”

She could, and he asked, so she did.

*

Jyn landed way more blows than he could dodge. They weren’t 100 percent but they were hard enough that he didn’t give her any more lip about holding back. Her kicks were well aimed, and she kept her footwork nice and limber.

A sparring session hadn’t felt that good in years.

“You’re gonna feel it in the morning, you know.” She tossed a towel over to Cassian and raised her brows.

“I know,” was all he said at first. She didn’t stand down and eventually he returned her stare.

“Thank you Jyn. For being here. For staying. Not just with the Alliance, but with me in the medbay. You didn’t need to do that.”

“I don’t know why, but did. You told me welcome home. You’re stuck with me now.

Besides, you’ll obviously need me when you get back to missions. I’ll have your back.”

She meant every word. She was decided. He didn’t know everything about her but something told her over time, he’d know. And she wanted to know everything about him too.

Despite all of her training. Despite all of her near-death experiences and the ones to come, that told her the end was always near.

Despite it all, she made plans for the future. It started with them walking to the mess hall, and ended with them still walking together after the final fight, whole.


	2. coming of age

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day 2: fire
> 
> 1\. the phenomenon of combustion manifested in light, flame, and heat.   
> 2\. burning passion / liveliness of imagination

“Are you… passionate about ending this? Does it drive you?” Bodhi whispered to Jyn, neither of them sleeping on their Alliance-given pallets. There were no cots to spare, at least not for a deserter and a non-believer.

But she might be coming around. Her thoughts had been all jumbled, her reasons for moving on changing. Both of her fathers, dead.

Jyn hadn’t felt heat like this in a while; she wanted to get to the root of the issue. Fuck the Alliance and there way of doing things— too much red tape, making everyone be in agreement. All of that was surface. She didn’t like Draven but she respected that he knew some things had to be done regardless of who approved it.

She just wish the killing of her father wouldn’t have been one of those moments.

“I’ve lived on my own for five years. Before that, I lived eight years in Partisan barracks. Me loving something, wanting something…I haven’t let myself feel that since I was a child. Since my very first memories.”

“I don’t think you have to love this. No one loves war.” Bodhi’s hands were twitching; the scratching of his nails against fabric echoed in the dark hallway they were in.

“No but I…want to do good. I used to always want that. Saving the galaxy; as a kid that what I thought I was doing.”

“But?”

“But I wasn’t. I was hurting and convinced myself that’s what it takes to get anywhere in this mess of planets. Maybe it is.

I want peace now, in a way I never had before.”

Jyn saw the white’s of Bodhi’s eyes reflected in the slight glare of an exit sign. He took his time answering.

“I want to follow where you go. If you’re here, I’m here.”

She didn’t know how to reply, so she stayed silent. Eventually Bodhi’s breaths evened out and his hands stilled.

_Where am I going?_ she thought. _Helping to defeat the Imps? It feels like more than that._

She rolled the thought in her head until daybreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i enjoyed this one.  
> title from coming of age/maddie medley
> 
> (im woahpip on tumblr)


	3. mid-youth crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day 4: daughter
> 
> 1\. a female adopted child   
> 2\. chemistry: an atomic species that is the product of the radioactive decay of a given element
> 
> (vignettes from some work in progress maybe stuff? just some brain worms that've been floating around)

They had gotten drunk on Hoth, stolen some liquor from the Millennium Falcon when Han wasn’t looking. 

“Just to warm us up Jynnie,” Leia had said. 

Leia had a room on Hoth barely bigger than a normal officer’s room. The two kicked off their shoes but left their other clothes on, and snuggled under the covers. They’d sit up to take sips of the burning liquid and then quickly duck themselves back under, spooning into onto another.

Under the blankets, they whispered their truths.

“My father created the Death Star.”

“My father is a Sith Lord.”

“My other father was the leader of a violent vigilante group, that may have hurt more lives than it saved.”

Leia chuckled.

“At least my other father is good. He’d love you. You became a Rebel, despite all the things pushing you away from here. He’d say it was fate.”

“I think it might be the Force,” Jyn whispered. It was the first time she’d bared herself to someone so fully. It was agonizing, being known, but it lifted a weight off of her. She’s selfishly glad Leia has her own demons, that there’s another member of “fathers who suck, stepfathers who did better” out there just trying to survive.

They sat in silence for a while, all the drink gone, the thick blankets and their body heat making them drift towards sleep. 

They were both headstrong women. But it was Leia who made the first move; their bodies were already pressed together, their mouths inches from the other. All she did was push closer to Jyn and put their lips together.

It wasn’t Jyn’s first kiss, but it was first in quite awhile. Leia’s lips were chapped from the cold air just like hers. It didn’t matter though.

They kissed for a while, lazily. They took big breaks to huff for air, occasionally diving out of the covers into the frozen world for a real breath and then going back to each other. Leia bit Jyn’s bottom lip and Jyn started unzipping Leia’s jacket…

When Jyn went on watch the next morning her hair was knotted tangles at the neck and her bangs were stuck in pieces. The top of her first layer was inside out and her pants were just a touch too tight— she had to borrow a pair of Leia’s. The boy who she was taking over whistled at her.

“You look like you had a good night.”

“Piss off lieutenant,” was all she answered, but he was right. It was a good night.

*

After the battle of Endor, Jyn didn’t know what to do with herself. War was all she’d known for so long. She was scared that resting meant she’d never move again— all she’d be was dust. 

Returning from Scarif alone meant she spent the rest of the war bouncing from crew to crew, not wanting to make connections, just helpling root out whatever evil she could.

She thought about running, but decided it would be against all Cassian stood for if she did; against what Rogue One died for. She owed them more than that, so she stayed and fought and somehow didn’t die.

Eventually she caught the eye of the Princess of Alderaan herself. The acquaintanceship? possible friendship? between them at the end of the war led to Jyn being appointed a member of now Senator Organa’s security detail.

*

_I am not a professional_ Jyn thinks, not for the first time since moving into her suite on Coruscant. A suite right next to the Princess, a locking door adjoining them.

But it didn’t always stay locked.

Most nights Jyn slept alone and according to security logs, Leia did too.

Night like this, when it was Jyn’s shift to stay up, monitor the video and make sure Leia slept safely…she ended up not paying attention to her screens, filling out her checklists on time. It was hard to get any work done with a real-life Princess and savior of the Rebellion deciding that she needed to _come eat you out for an hour or so, if you wanted._

Jyn wasn’t sure of the ethics of this. The power balance. There was something wrong with fucking a person who was formally dedicated to your security. Also something equally as wrong with fucking a Senator who was really trying to get the whole entire galaxy back together.

_They needed stress relief_ is how Jyn tried to rationalize it.

She just couldn’t help but think that Leia would want more from her, soon, and she wanted to give it to her.She was just scared; scared that she’d ruin one of the only good things she’d been allowed to keep.

One day she’ll be too scared to unlock the adjoining door. Or one day she'll never shut it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from the hozier fanfic title generator again.
> 
> (im woahpip on tumblr!)


	4. stardust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day 4: prodigal
> 
> 1\. one who has returned after an absence

prodigal daughter, do you know what has happened in this world?

what was happened since you decide to recede in the cave of your heart?

*

*

*

return.

they will force you but that doesn’t make your return to the world any less grand.

listen to the buzzing of the force, living.

Living. Like you, somehow miraculously amongst the death of the world; the egos that kill.

everything you’ve ever seen fall 

rise in the Force ; rise in the dark of night and bring starshine. be the ball of light and others will follow you, mark the world with your truths.

with your truths in the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading a poem about our favorite girl!
> 
> (im woahpip on tumblr!)


	5. my youth is gone (and I know it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn meets an old friend of Saw's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day 7: crystal. yes we're out of order now, i'm sorry.
> 
> (also posted at jyn's appreciation squad on tumblr)

Jyn feels the woman before she sees her. She’s not sure how; there’s a buzz in the air, in her body. Her necklace burns in the hollow of her throat. Living with Partisans has made her paranoid beyond belief but it’s what keeps her alive. At 14, Jyn still finds herself struggling to discern a friend from a threat. Among the barracks she has acquaintances, but Saw won’t let her stay in one place too long. People tend to gravitate towards her. She thinks he’s afraid they’ll start to follow her instead of him, or maybe he’s scared to be without her too long.

On this day when the woman comes Jyn is in new barracks, scrubbing pots on kitchen duty. Her arms were already sore from training, and trying to clean the burnt bits from the pan worsened the ache.

There was no other training for the day, no missions. She could get away with a rare mid-afternoon nap if she cleaned hard enough.

It was with that thought that the woman came in, and the universe told Jyn to pause.

*

“I was told Saw’s daughter was in here.”

Jyn wanted to clutch the chain around her neck. She squeezed her ragged nails into her palms, trying to feel grounded.

She wasn’t ashamed to be Saw’s daughter; at this point it wasn’t a lie. They weren’t like most families. She wouldn’t call them a family at all really. They’re more like a cohesive unit, a nameless piece of a larger whole that is the Partisans.

Times like these, she wanted her Mama.

“That’s me,” Jyn answered, still scrubbing. She’d wait to turn around, see if it gave her the upper hand.

The woman sighed but kept her voice steady. “How long have you been here?”

“Since I was born.”

“Really?” 

Jyn turned now, off-put by the woman’s sarcasm. Purple lekku peeked out of a white robe. The woman’s face stayed shaded but Jyn could see the slope of her orange nose, and expressive eyes.

“Are you a friend of Saw’s?” Jyn asked, refusing to answer more questions about herself. The woman’s eyes looked lost for a moment before they refocused.

“I don’t know anymore. I haven’t seen him yet.”

Alarm bit Jyn; there’s no way a visitor could be in the barracks without Saw knowing. She catalogues the weapons on her: nothing but a small vibroblade in her boot. There’s the pot she’s been manhandling for the past 20 minutes, and a plain cooking knife laid out to dry that could be in reach if she moved strategically.

The woman isn’t openly carrying a weapon. Her arms look strong and she’s taller than Jyn by a head and shoulders, but that didn’t mean anything. What did matter was how Jyn felt…the air moved differently around the woman. It was hard to describe but she just knew this woman could kick her ass. Could kick anyone on base’s ass.

Desperately she allowed herself the time to hope the woman was Saw’s friend and not an Empire villain really good at getting what they want.

“Maybe I could give you my name and we could go from there?”

Jyn nodded.

“I’m Ahsoka.”

“Kestrel.”

Ahsoka didn’t look taken aback by Jyn’s shortness; she did arch an eyebrow, making Jyn wonder if Ahsoka could tell she was lying…

They moved from their standoff in the kitchen to a rickety card table and some wooden chairs Jyn had helped nail back together. The nearby hallway was quiet— normally she’d be able to hear yelling, sometimes laughing, a handful of different languages all smushed together. It was as if everything stopped and mellowed out.

The silence was disconcerting. Jyn tapped her fingers against her seat, the muffled thumps making her feel a little better.

Across from her, Ahsoka took off her cloak. Her lekku were bright purple and white and her markings stood stark against her orange skin. She wore work clothes, breeches that looked like they were for creature riding, and a light linen top. Definitely from off-world. Their current base wasn’t Jyn’s home world but she became familiar with their customs— especially the lack of any kind of transportation that wasn’t walking. Jyn heard other Partisans talk about animals they’d ridden before— blurrgs in the desert, something called tauntauns on a snowy planet. Desolate places usually had creatures. Where they were now had too many trees. Animals here hid from danger, which mean they hid from all the Partisans. Jyn couldn’t blame them.

She lets her curiosity get the best of her.

“You ride banthas?”

“Where I just came from, yeah. Didn’t have time to change.”

“If it’s something important shouldn’t you have just found Saw?”

The woman doesn’t look in a hurry. She’s casually hunched in the chair, elbows on the table and head in her hands. She almost looked like she belonged.

“He’ll be in here soon, I left a note. You know last time I saw him, he didn’t have a child.”

Ahsoka did know she was lying, but she didn’t seem mad. More sarcastic. Searching for an answer she know she won’t get.

She knows more than she’s saying, Jyn thought.

“I haven’t been alive forever,” Jyn chooses to say.

The Togruta’s laughter filled the kitchen. It broke the spell immediately; Jyn recognized insect buzzes again, and the soldiers Ahsoka must’ve tricked sounded boisterous down the hall (not recognizing they were compromised).

Before Ahsoka could say anything, Jyn heard Saw’s heavy footsteps. The laughing and talking stopped. He was saying something; new orders. Extreme workouts, the man-in-charge probably being sent off world on a suicide mission as they speak.

If Ahsoka truly knew Saw, she’d have known she was signing those men’s death sentence once she tricked them.

Her hearing must be good too. Jyn heard her whisper to herself “What did I do…”

Jyn wanted to tell her Saw’s a genius and he’s fucking crazy, she believes in his crazy, this is the only way we can stop the Empire, but the man himself walks into the kitchen, ragged and out-of-breath, and tells Jyn to leave.

*

Saw doesn’t know she’s here, but Ahsoka has too. The two went back to his “office,” which is just his teeny private room, no window, bedroll on the floor and kettle in the corner on the makeshift table. They argued in normal voices, unusual because Saw always thought he was being spied on.

“Don’t hurt your officers. It’s not their fault I got through.”

Jyn heard a harsh intake of breath turn into a rough cough.

“They’ve been trained to resist anything. You got through so it means they need to train more.”

“Not until they die.”

“You still carry around those ideals? They did nothing for you, and they’ll get us all killed. Sacrifices have to be made if the Rebellion plans on defeating the Empire.”

Silence stretched on for minutes. Jyn was scared they noticed her, that Saw would admonish her and make her run around the compound until she was sick.

(She didn’t dare think he’d send her away, like he did with others when they messed up. She was too good, and she always had his back.)

“Who’s the girl Saw?”

Jyn moved herself slightly behind the door to peek through the opening. She only saw Ahsoka’s face and the back of Saw’s head. He gave nothing away—no twitchy movements, no rubbing his neck the way he did when he was liability-drunk and she had to drag him away before he spilled secrets.

“She’s my daughter.”

Ahsoka gave a bland smile; it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Jyn, she’s force sensitive you know.”

Now that got a reaction. Saw sat up straight, hands clenched tight. Jyn too felt panic; she remembered her mother’s last words to her: _Trust the Force._ Throughout all her life, the changes she’s been through, she tried to obey her Mama. It hurt her to think it was a bad thing.

“Do you think…” Saw trailed off.

“Not a Jedi. But it enough it probably helps her fighting power, even as a child.”

At that moment Ahsoka tilted her head up slightly, shifting her eyes to the door. She knew there was an eavesdropper. Probably knew exactly who it was. Jyn felt rooted to the spot. All she could do was grasp at her necklace, the crystal warm in her palm.

“It’s kyber,” Ahsoka said. Saw was still tense but he acted like that phrase wasn’t a surprise.

“Her mother was a believer,” he replied, starting to move out of his seat. At that moment Jyn realized she needed to go anywhere else. She took one more look at Ahsoka, who had draped her cloak back over her lekku, memorizing her face in case she ever saw her again. She hadn’t decided if she was 100% a friend, but she spoke casually with Saw and that counted for something.

Jyn ran slunk down the hall, not quite running but bouncing quick off her toes. The crystal got hotter for a moment as it bounced against her chest.

_Kyber…_ Jyn had never heard of it before. She wondered if it was important. She wondered if her mother knew anything about it; what she believed in that involved it.

Long ago Jyn had promised herself to stop asking those kinds of questions about her parents. It didn’t matter. They were gone. But on her way back to the bunks all she could think was how she badly she wanted to ask Mama everything about her. Everything she never had the chance to share. Maybe then she’d be a believer too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i really enjoyed writing this one.
> 
> (im woahpip on tumblr!)


	6. colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (slowly working on filling prompts i’ve missed!)
> 
> little ficlet for Rebelcaptain Week, day three: colors
> 
> **i JUST realized (10/17) that this....isn't for jyn's week. since i have comments on it i will leave it here. but man i feel big dumb lol**

Ask Jyn her favorite colors as a child:

the red of Mama’s sash she keeps in her closet, from “another time.”

 _One day Jynnie, I’ll tell you all about it._ _I’ll take you there._

The orange of Papa’s first squash; the bright green of his eyes, how wide they got when he saw that he actually grew something edible.

Black volcanic rock that glittered in the rain, against the ocean. Crunched under her little feet for miles.

*

Ask Jyn now and she’ll say boring colors.

She’ll say brown but she means a deep brown, chestnut highlights, darkness of warm charcoal almost, a spectrum of that could never be dull. She’ll mean eyes that can stay hidden, look plain, but the man behind them opens up they brighten in a way you can’t imagine.

They brighten when they look at her.

And there’s the rest of his outfit: almost always dreary and dark. His jackets, his parka, blending into the background. But she can’t always pick him out.

Seeing Cassian reminds her of the first time her Mama let her play with the necklace, hold the kyber crystal. Mama showed her how to let the light refract through it, make rainbows dance on walls, against shadows.

It’s a new way of seeing. Of being.

Time hasn’t made her plain. It’s made her realize the beauty in things she would have previously passed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! 1 more and i'm caught up for jyn week! <3

**Author's Note:**

> chapter title from cops and robbers/shakey graves
> 
> (im woahpip on tumblr!)


End file.
